On the daily, there always seems to be a new disagreement between genders. With the influx of opinions presented on social media, it can sometimes be extremely challenging to avoid discriminatory outlooks. It’s almost hard to escape arguments on gender bias and the role that gender plays in our society. As someone who identifies as a black feminist, I just had to address a few things in particular.
During my commute to work, I usually turn on my favorite podcast, The Joe Budden Podcast, on. I know some of you may be a little confused how a black feminist would like a podcast featuring an all male group, but that’s another story. This episode in particular featured a well-known social media personality, Kevin Samuels. When the host announced that he would be on the show, my mind took me to all of the misogynistic and harsh opinions that Kevin Samuels has presented on social media.
Despite my pre-conceived notions, I wanted to at least hear what he had to say. The first topic that came up was “why women cannot find a man”. His reason was that women want a “perfect man”, identified as someone with money, great looks, a natural provider, and other preferences like height or personal style. This opinion wasn’t the worst, but it was what he said after that really bothered me. He mentioned the conversations he’s had on social media with women , where he rates them and implies that they aren’t deserving of a quality man because they aren’t of a quality standard. Most of the ratings he gave were below average, implying that women aren’t at the level physically, financially, and spiritually of the men they seek. He even rated Beyonce a 7…. like it’s Beyonce?!!
If that take wasn’t bad enough, his next take gave me all the inspiration I needed to write this blog post. He got on the topic of traditional women and non-traditional women. He said the “new-age” or “non-traditional” woman will not find a man because they cannot keep their mouth closed. He said that “women need to be nice, cooperative, childless, and fit” to be desirable.
I immediately cut off the podcast, and instantly I was in a bad mood. It was very disheartening to hear a black man raised by a black woman, with black aunts, openly announce his misogynistic viewpoints.
The podcast made me wonder how the gen-z and millennial generation view a traditional woman. In today’s society there’s plenty successful black woman setting the bar high. I feel it’s harder now to fit into the label of a traditional woman, as there are way more opportunities presented in today’s society. There are many relationships where women serve as the “bread-winner” of the household. There are also relationships where men contribute more in the household with cooking and cleaning, something that wasn’t so common in our grandparents and great-grandparents generation. While I absolutely would never agree with Kevin Samuels viewpoint, I had to consider that some women may believe they aren’t desirable if they don’t fit into social constructs.
I’m here to tell every woman, that you are deserving of anything that’s presented to you. As women, we are complex, creative, strong, brave, and the list goes on and on. We do not have to dumb ourselves down to feel deserving of anything or anyone. We must be mindful the people and things that we give our energy to. In my opinion it starts with social media. I have an unpopular opinion: We have to normalize unfollowing and blocking if someone is compromising our emotional stability. This isn’t to say you have to block every person with an opinion you disagree with, but if someone’s opinions are stimulating previous trauma, the unfollow button should be used.
I call it filtering. Filtering out racist, homophobic, and sexist viewpoints that may put you in an uncomfortable space is completely fine. Everyone should have their inner confidence and stand firm in their beliefs. I’m not telling anyone to fall within a label of a “traditional” or “non-traditional” woman, but just be your best self and know your worth sis.